Calling yourself a perfectionist sometimes sounds like a humblebrag—a way of saying, “I'm detail-oriented and dedicated to flawless work.” I myself love to set new and challenging personal goals as a way to not only evolve, but to stay happy.
But while high standards and ambition can be rewarding, perfectionism has a darker side that’s often overlooked. Far from being a harmless quirk, perfectionism can also lead to all-or-nothing thinking, chronic dissatisfaction, and even mental health challenges.
Below, I dive into what perfectionism is, what causes it, and its toll on mental health. As we explore the good and bad of perfectionism, it’s crucial to understand how striving for excellence can sometimes tip into harmful territory.
What is perfectionism?
Perfectionism is a type of cognitive schema, or lens through which we perceive ourselves and others. Many high performers and high achievers adopt perfectionistic tendencies in order to reach success. At an extreme, however, true perfectionists tend to over-accentuate flaws and mistakes, not only in themselves, but in others as well.
Unfortunately, the perfectionist tendency to focus on mistakes, flaws, and imperfections leads to chronic dissatisfaction and feelings of disappointment. As a result, perfectionists may get overly critical about themselves and others, making it difficult to feel fulfilled in relationships.
The core belief is that they literally need to be perfect, which comes from a deeper sense of inadequacy. It’s hard for perfectionists to accept their own and others’ shortcomings or limitations, so they set very high standards and unreasonable expectations of themselves and others.
What causes perfectionism?
Perfectionism does not have a single cause, but some circumstances may make you more likely to experience it.
Growing up in a perfectionistic environment, such as living with parents who are critical or in a culture with high expectations, can increase your risk of developing perfectionism.
Research suggests that early experiences can lead you to develop negative core beliefs (i.e., the belief that you are defective, or are a bad person) and see perfectionism as a way to “solve” or make up for these flaws.
Some personality traits appear to be related to perfectionism. If you tend to be neurotic or conscientious, you may be more likely to develop aspects of perfectionism.
Other emotional problems like depression, anxiety, and eating disorders may also increase your chances of experiencing perfectionism. It is unclear, however, how much perfectionism causes these problems or is a consequence of having them, creating something of a “chicken or the egg” dynamic.
Helpful vs. Unhelpful Perfectionism
Challenging and demanding standards can be valuable at times, as striving for ambitious goals provides motivation and direction, often leading to success. This is known as “helpful” perfectionism. For example, mastering a musical instrument requires time, patience, and commitment—qualities nurtured by healthy perfectionism.
However, when standards become unrealistic and cause harm to yourself or others, they cross into “unhelpful” perfectionism or “problematic striving.” If your self-worth depends solely on meeting these unattainable goals, perfectionism can lead to distress, dissatisfaction, and even hold you back in life.
Perfectionism ultimately exists on a spectrum. While helpful perfectionism drives growth and achievement, unhelpful perfectionism becomes a burden that undermines well-being. Below are the differences between the two.
Helpful Perfectionism
| Unhelpful Perfectionism
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Signs of Unhelpful Perfectionism
Wondering if you have any tendencies toward unhelpful perfectionism? Below are some signs of problematic striving:
Judging your self-worth mainly in terms of your successes and achievements in life
Pushing yourself to the point of feeling depressed, overwhelmed, or exhausted
Workaholism and sacrificing interests, relationships, or rest to strive and achieve
Having high standards which are difficult to achieve or maintain over time
Avoiding or postponing tasks where there’s a risk you might fail
Harshly criticizing yourself when you don’t meet your standards
Fearing failure, or feeling like you always fail
Discounting achievements you see as less than perfect
Alcohol and substance dependency
Internally, here’s how you might think if you have unhelpful perfectionism:
You constantly worry about whether you will meet your standards, and push yourself to excel despite how bad it can make you feel (“I should, I must”).
You criticize yourself for mistakes, for being unproductive, or for not meeting your goals. You brood over errors, critical feedback, or flawed performance.
You discount successes, positive feedback, or personal achievements that seem less-than-perfect (“That doesn’t count,” “They didn’t mean it”). You also tell yourself that there is always more you could achieve or improve upon.
Externally, unhelpful perfectionism may lead you to behave in the following ways:
You repeatedly check the quality of your work, your performance, or your progress towards goals, often making lengthy to-do lists or detailed schedules.
You spend an excessive amount of time completing tasks.
You compare your performance or accomplishments against other people’s. You might even ask constantly for reassurance about the quality of your work or performance.
You postpone tasks you perceive as very demanding or time-consuming.
Finally, unhelpful perfectionism can make you more likely to pay attention and fixate on these things:
What you haven’t achieved, rather than what you have achieved
Mistakes, flaws, or potential errors in the things you do
Other people’s progress, performance, and accomplishments compared to your own
Ways you need to improve or things you should have done better
Minor details that other people overlook
Judgments and negative feedback about your performance from other people
These patterns can create unnecessary stress and take a toll on well-being. Recognizing them is the first step toward a healthier balance.
How Perfectionism Affects Physical and Mental Health
Unrelenting standards impact us emotionally, mentally, and physically. As speaker and author Brené Brown writes in The Gifts of Imperfection:
“Understanding the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism is critical to laying down the shield and picking up your life. Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it's often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis.”
Our thoughts about high standards influence how we approach goals. If a goal feels achievable and we’re prepared, it can lead to positive stress (eustress), which motivates and energizes us. But when the goal feels overwhelming, it can trigger negative stress (hyperstress), causing distraction, procrastination, or even a “freeze” response. Indeed, when perfectionists fall short of their ideals, they often experience distressing emotions like shame, irritability, agitation, or anger.
Perfectionists are also at higher risk for PTSD symptoms after trauma, as they often blame themselves for negative outcomes. This self-imposed pressure increases stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, which, when activated chronically, can lead to inflammation and long-term health problems. Over time, this can contribute to conditions like cardiovascular disease, hypertension, diabetes, autoimmune disorders, and gastrointestinal issues.
Even with healthy habits like eating well and exercising, perfectionism-induced stress can undermine our well-being. Recognizing and addressing the harmful effects of perfectionism is essential for both mental and physical health.
How to Manage Perfectionism
As someone who loves to set high standards and push my limits, I understand the value of challenging yourself. But goals should also be realistic and attainable. Setting unrealistic or overly demanding standards can lead to frustration and even perfectionism, which often ties self-worth to achievements.
Below are some strategies to manage perfectionism more effectively:
Create a sustainable model. Develop a step-by-step plan to build progress gradually and avoid setbacks. Use SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound) to make your objectives realistic and actionable. Small wins build confidence and momentum.
Try different things for fun. Try new activities just for enjoyment, not achievement. This can help you find fulfillment outside of striving and prevent the pressure to excel in everything.
Assess for cognitive distortions. Learn about things that contribute to perfectionism, such as intermediate beliefs and thinking errors that can drive it. (e.g., “The harder people work, the better they do in life”).
Practice self-compassion. Manage self-talk by criticizing yourself less and learning how to treat yourself more fairly. Big goals are hard enough without adding self-criticism. Remember, self-compassion is not self-indulgent—it’s necessary for growth and resilience.
Accept the journey. Success is never linear. Life is meant to be lived with grace and that includes allowing yourself to make mistakes and overcome difficult moments. Every successful person has learned to overcome, not avoid, defeat. Accepting the lows as much as the high provides opportunity for learning and makes the win that much sweeter!
Manage your expectations. As much as we all want it, not every goal will turn out to be a perfect win. Stay confident but humble, and focus on growth instead of flawless outcomes.
Therapy can help
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) designed for perfectionism is the psychological treatment that has the strongest research support for treating perfectionism. Some evidence suggests that it can also help address problems that sometimes accompany perfectionism, such as disordered eating, narcissism, anxiety, and depression. CBT works by helping individuals examine and challenge their thoughts, behaviors, and emotions through practical exercises and self-reflection, fostering healthier perspectives and habits.
Do you set standards for yourself that are demanding and difficult to achieve? Do you feel anxious about not meeting your standards and end up postponing your tasks?
Consider seeking professional help if you find that perfectionism is interfering with your daily life, relationships, or overall well-being. A trained therapist can guide you in understanding the root of your perfectionism, breaking unhelpful patterns, and developing more balanced ways to approach goals and challenges.
What next?
My mission and purpose in life is to help people expand with purpose and power. As a clinical psychologist, I support clients in developing skills to better manage their relationships with stress, trauma, and anxiety. If you’re interested in improving your emotional health, book an appointment.
As a bikini bodybuilding athlete, I understand the dangers of unhelpful perfectionism that often affect fitness competitors. If you’re interested in fitness and mental health coaching, don’t hesitate to send a message.
For small and large teams, I also offer group workshops, retreats, and trainings on stress management, yoga psychology, and mindfulness. Reach out to schedule one.