Ever scroll through Instagram and see a post where someone shares about feeling anxious, depressed, or lonely? It could’ve been a sad or crying selfie, paired with a caption expressing hopelessness.
Maybe you’ve even created one of these posts yourself.
While social media has a reputation for showing a curated and unrealistic version of our lives, it’s also become a platform for venting and sharing negative feelings for many people. There’s nothing inherently wrong with posting about being unhappy—one might say it offers a more authentic depiction of day-to-day life. However, done frequently, this behavior, known as “sadfishing,” may be a sign of more serious emotional distress.
Below, we dive into what sadfishing is, reasons why people sadfish, and how to respond to sadfishing in others as well as yourself.
What is sadfishing?
The term “sadfishing,” developed by the journalist Rebecca Reid, describes the act of posting about personal struggles online to seek (or “fish” for) attention and sympathy. According to recent news reports, sadfishing is more likely to occur among teens and adolescents.
To be clear, the word “sadfishing” is not a criticism of people who openly discuss their mental health struggles online. On the contrary, being transparent about mental health issues can help reduce the stigma associated with seeking help. It also breaks down the societal tendency to remain silent about unhappiness and mental health challenges.
That said, frequently posting online about being depressed isn't a healthy behavior.
As Reid writes, “There is nothing wrong with sharing your feelings online, if that's what you need to do. But young people—and, in fact, all people—who are suffering from mental-health issues should not use Instagram or any other form of social media as their sole form of emotional support.”
Why do people sadfish?
All people, regardless of age, gender, socioeconomic status, or cultural background have underlying needs for safety and survival. These needs can include things like attention, support, reassurance, and validation. Whether these needs are conscious or not, we often seek these needs through our relationships.
According to one 2024 study, a lack of perceived social support from family and friends potentially contributes to sadfishing. With the epidemic of loneliness at an all-time high, sadfishing may be an accessible way for someone to connect with others and experience love and support.
Social media can serve as a platform for community and connection, and sometimes posts can be a way to communicate some of our needs in relation to others. When someone sadfishes, it could be that they’re looking for validation for their feelings. However, a person’s motivation to sadfish is ultimately unique to their individual needs at that time.
How to support sadfishing friends
If you see a friend’s sadfishing post but they haven’t shared anything with you personally, consider reaching out. Sending a private message or phone call is a great way to create intimate connection in a confidential space. Tell your friend you saw their recent post and let them know how you received it. For instance, here are a few ways you could frame your message:
“I was really worried.”
“I saw your post and became concerned. Do you want to talk about it?”
Instead of demanding an answer, invite your friend to connect with you. This can help create more of a supportive dialogue.
One of the challenges with sadfishing, however, is understanding whether someone is crying out for help or simply bored and/or seeking attention.
Without being in someone else’s shoes, assessing whether a post is a call for attention or something more urgent is not something we can do definitively. The complexities lie in many things, including the content of their language, the images depicted, frequency, as well as many other factors.
Either way, it’s best not to make assumptions and to reach out directly to the individual. In some cases, it may be helpful to get additional support from family, friends, a licensed professional, and to report the post to the individual platform for further investigation.
If you feel like a person is threatening to end their life or do real harm, it's also important to seek help. In addition to reaching out to the person directly, it may be wise to call 911 and local authorities, report the post, or notify the person’s immediate network of friends and family. It’s always best to lean on the side of caution.
Am I unintentionally sadfishing?
When you’re having a bad day, what’s your first instinct? Do you want to post about it online?
It’s natural to share about vulnerable and emotional topics on social media from time to time. After all, as social creatures, looking for comfort and support from your friends and family when something bad happens is a hardwired reflex.
However, if you find yourself frequently turning to social media to share negative feelings and experiences, it’s worth taking a step back and checking in with yourself. Before posting anything, ask yourself:
What are your thoughts and motivations behind posting?
What do you hope will happen after you post?
Know that it’s okay and completely normal to want to feel seen and heard, and to feel like you matter. However, sadfishing probably isn’t the most effective way to meet those needs.
To cope with whatever you’re experiencing, consider looking for ways to experience social connection outside of social media. For starters, try one of the following strategies:
Create a structured support system. Look for a weekly scheduled class or group to join. That could be local and online communities that share similar interests, like fitness, yoga, hiking, art, and other hobbies. These groups can help build social engagement in a safe manner while also fulfilling the need for acceptance, belonging, and intimacy.
Meet with a friend or family member for a regular check-in. Consider scheduling a weekly phone call or coffee date with someone you trust. This isn’t about finding someone to vent to—it’s about connecting meaningfully offline.
Invest in personal practices to develop self-compassion and improve your relationship with yourself. Regular practices like journaling and meditation can be extremely valuable when it comes to our perception and experiences of having needs met or unmet.
Consider talking to a therapist or another qualified professional. Therapy provides a safe space to explore negative emotions and experiences. A trusted therapist can also provide empathy and nonjudgmental support.
The bottom line
Posting on Instagram about having a bad day or feeling down shouldn't automatically be labeled as sadfishing. In reality, sadfishing is a complex behavior that can be both a cry for help and a reflection of unmet needs for connection and validation. While it’s important not to jump to conclusions or dismiss these posts as mere attention-seeking, it’s equally crucial to approach them with empathy.
Remember, it's completely natural to want to be seen, heard, and valued. Social media on its own is not a substitute for genuine emotional support. By fostering real-life relationships and practicing self-compassion, we can better navigate our emotional challenges and support others in doing the same.
What next?
My mission and purpose in life is to help people expand with purpose and power. As a clinical psychologist, I support clients in developing skills to better manage their relationships with stress, trauma, and anxiety. If you want to learn how to harness power over your emotional health, book an appointment.
As a bikini bodybuilding athlete, I understand the dangers of unhelpful perfectionism that often affect fitness competitors. If you’re interested in fitness and mental health coaching, don’t hesitate to send a message.
For small and large teams, I also offer group workshops, retreats, and trainings on stress management, yoga psychology, and mindfulness. Reach out to schedule one.
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